.png)
We are at a time in our lives where the friendships that we make are either going to last us for a year, or for a lifetime. Going into college we are led with this idea that the friendships we make in college are the ones that will last forever. What we don’t often realize that goes hand-in-hand with having these friendships, is how much work they take to maintain. None of the friendships that I had in my childhood have ever lasted very long. Partly because I moved almost every year, but mainly because I did not value the meaning of true friendship. With friendship comes responsibility. How much you put into it, usually is about how much you are going to get out of it. This is why it is imperative that now that we are beginning our lives away from home, we learn how to maintain relationships. This can be done through intention.
Intention means “an aim or a purpose.” When you decide to be an intentional friend, you want to make sure that you understand what your purpose is for being friends with that person. You also want to make sure that you understand the challenges that are going to go along with that friendship. When you find your purpose whether it be that you like being around them, or you relate to them on a deeper level, you will find that they hold more meaning in your life. Once you realize how much someone means to you, it is easier to deal with the challenges that will come along with that friendship. Understanding the challenges that come with each person will be beneficial when situations come up that creates problems. If you recognize and accept these challenges from the beginning, it will be that much easier to work through things with them.
Being intentional in not only your friendships, but all different types of relationships can help to build healthier, stronger, longer-lasting bonds that can last you a lifetime. Being an intentional friend shows people you care about that you value them as a person, you care about them, and that you are capable of being a constant in their lives. I know that for me personally that these are qualities I look for out of every friendship that I take on.
Here are a few good ways that you can be intentional in your friendships:
When they hurt or annoy you.
Friendships are not perfect. You are never going to get along with someone 100 percent of the time. Disagreement and conflict will happen. It doesn’t mean that you have to stop being friends, it just means that for this moment you have to put in a little extra effort and time to keep it going. Conflict within a relationship can often lead to a stronger bond because it allows for you to identify the problem, find a way to solve it in a respectful way, and it gives you a precedent for how to solve similar or different problems in the future.
2. When they make bad decisions.
It is important to accept the fact that people make bad decisions. You are not always going to agree with every choice that your friend makes, but it is important to support them as best as you can. It is best to attempt to have an intentional discussion about the decision and try to make an honest effort to see his or her side of it. Walking away from the friendship is not always the best solution (although in some cases it is necessary). Always remember that if the decision is actually harmful to your friend, they will need you eventually, and the fact that you will be there will only make your relationship stronger. Try not to judge or be condescending towards them, this can only make the issue worse and tends to push them away.
3. When you have less in common.
As time passes, you may find that you do not have as much in common with your friend as you previously had. This may make it harder to connect and keep in touch with them. It is important to realize that life changes for everyone. Having less things in common with each other does not make that person less important, but it means that you have to work a little harder to stay close. No friendship stays the same forever, they evolve and grow as life progresses. It is how you approach the life changes of both people that affects how the friendship will grow and develop.
When there is no purpose
Another part of being intentional is realizing when your friendships no longer serve a purpose. That may sound harsh, but many friendships are not meant to last forever. Some friendships can become unhealthy, and even get to a point where you are going in two completely different directions. In this case, it is important to know when to let go. Sometimes letting go is the most intentional thing you can do in a friendship not only for yourself, but also for the other person involved. Understanding and accepting that does not make the decision easier, but in the long run it will benefit both parties. Just because you get along with someone, does not mean that they are the best fit for your life. And even though they may be good for you at one point, does not mean that their purpose won’t end. It is important to continuously evaluate your friendships, because it is easy to get caught up in something unhealthy, as well as overlook someone or something important.
By Janae King
Commenti