Sunglass-Wearing Pugs and the Appearance Ideal

I. Love. Fashion. I think I always have.

I have distinct memories of a favorite shirt with pink, flowy sleeves and a sunglass-wearing pug on the front that I wore nearly every day. My fashion choices haven’t always been so stellar; there was also the phase of the long-sleeved tee under EVERY t-shirt that I’d rather forget.

For me, clothes have always been an expression of my personality. I never feel more like myself than when I’m wearing my favorite worn-out Kenny Chesney or Twilight shirt from Goodwill, but I also feel like me when I’m in my faux fur cheetah print coat with my heels and winged eyeliner.

Clothes can also be like armor. If I’m feeling particularly self-conscious, you won’t see me in an eye-catching outfit. In fact, I’ll probably be covering up as much as I can.

In middle school, a girl made fun of me for my arms, so I did what any smart middle schooler would do and wore a jacket that covered them for the rest of the year. I love wearing crop tops, but I always wear them with high-waisted shorts, so as not to show my stomach. I LOVE the tucked-in shirt look. I think its adorable and makes people look like they have their lives together. But this is not part of my typical wardrobe because I don’t like the way it looks on my body.

My outfit repertoire is limited by my perception of what society thinks about the way I look.

What I choose to wear is often based on what others think looks good on my particular body type.

That doesn’t seem fair.

I often find myself asking questions like, “Will people think I look fat in this outfit?” or “Will people think I’m totally weird if I wear this?”.

But why should it matter what other people think?

Well, it doesn’t. But society has told us that if we look a certain way, only then will we be successful, beautiful, and loved. And the way we have to look in order to be accepted is constantly changing, always just out of our reach.

The Peer Body Project, a study on body image created by the Oregon Research Institute, calls this image “the appearance ideal.” What we think of as the perfect-looking woman or man, is merely a constantly evolving, subjective, meaningless idea that we have in our heads because the media reinforces it over and over again.

And yet we give it so much control.

I have two GORGEOUS sisters, so comparison was always a part of my life growing up.

I always wished I had my older sister’s eyes, or my younger sister’s smile. We talked a lot about weight and dieting, and it wasn’t always a healthy conversation. We often said things like, “I wish I looked like her,” or “I would look so much better if I were only a few pounds lighter.”

As harmless as they may sound, these kinds of words are so destructive. We use them flippantly, but they can have such an impact on our mental health.

When we start to compare ourselves to this ideal, it decreases our self-esteem and increases the risk of anxiety, depression, and disordered eating patterns.

Social media is a huge factor in all of this. As we scroll through Instagram and see the highlights and edited photo sessions of our friends’ lives, we look back at our own lives and feel like we’re incomplete. It is so important to get away from the scrolling and refuse to allow someone’s edited photos and highlight reels to make you feel inadequate.

It’s a slow process, but I think that I am beginning to see progress in my own life. The Peer Educators are offering the Peer Body Project to female students at Berry in order to build community around the ideas of self-compassion and empowerment to reject what society says about our bodies. I was able to both be a part of and lead Peer Body groups, and it totally changed my perspective on my appearance.

It is not what makes us similar to other people that makes us beautiful, it is what makes us unique! We are each individuals with things we might like to change about ourselves, but those things might just be the attributes that draw others to us!

I am learning to be thankful for my body; I am healthy and strong and able to accomplish everything that I need to do. Our bodies do so much for us, and we need to stop treating them like they aren’t worthy of love.

I’m learning to start speaking kindly about my body. Instead of looking in the mirror and saying, “I wish I looked like Blake Lively instead of me,” let’s practice pointing out the things about ourselves that we appreciate. For example, today, I really like my eyeshadow because it brings out the color of my eyes. It doesn’t all have to be physical; you can also choose to love your kindness or your ability to make others feel loved.

Practice it in your friend groups. Whenever someone tries to speak badly about themselves and their bodies, call them out on it! It is damaging to them and to the people who hear it and make it part of their own vocabulary.

I want to wear what I feel best in. If that is not what society or social media tells me looks good on me, who cares?!?! If I feel beautiful and I feel like myself, then I am more open to reaching out to the people around me to encourage them. When I’m not so self-focused, I get much more accomplished!

Wear what makes you feel beautiful or handsome, even if that’s a pug shirt with flowy sleeves. Start speaking to yourself with self-compassion. And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS treat others with respect and kindness. You never know what kind of impact your words can have.

If you want to learn more about the Peer Body Project and how you can be a part of a group, email the Peer Educators!

-Isabelle Renn