It’s Not Narcissism, It’s Confidence.

MY STRUGGLE WITH SELF DOUBT

Narcissistic, vain, egotistic, self-absorbed, conceited… why is it that confident women are always given these labels? I know I’ve been called all of these things at some point over the past two years. To this I would say, it’s not narcissism, it’s confidence.

Confidence is something so powerful, but often something that seems unattainable. I know it felt that way for me not too long ago. In high school, I was constantly comparing myself to others, feeling scared to even talk out of fear of judgement. Basic things like walking down the hallway, finding a lunch table, or introducing myself to someone was terrifying to me. I lacked so much confidence in who I was and how I looked, so much so that was never really myself because I thought that who I was wasn’t good enough. I chose to define myself based on how I THOUGHT others saw me. It wasn’t until I came to Berry that I really started to see some growth in my self-confidence. I found people who make me feel like who I am is something to be proud of. I am learning to understand that if people don’t like me for who I am, then they’re not worth my time or effort. All that matters is how I feel about myself, regardless of what others think. That’s not to say that I don’t have my days. I don’t think that anyone is ever 100% confident or happy with themselves. It’s easy to let those negative thoughts about yourself control your life, and it’s hard work to improve your self-confidence. But in the end, it’s worth it. I wish there were a step-by-step process I could share with you that will lead you to self-confidence, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t exist. Instead, here are some things that I have realized and helped me on my road to self-confidence…

KNOW YOUR WORTH

Too often I found that I was defining myself based on how I thought other people saw me. I was only confident in myself if there was a boy who liked me or if I got a lot of comments on my Instagram post. I relied so heavily on validation from other people. However, I have come to realize that I am worth so much, regardless of how many people tell me that I’m pretty. I don’t need someone to tell me that anymore in order to feel that way. I am beautiful from the inside-out regardless of what anyone says. Realizing that has made the most impact on my self-confidence. I can feel and see the difference it has made. You alone control your self-worth.

LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT TO LIVE IT

I’ve learned over time that I need to live my life for myself. In order to make myself happy, I had to stop trying to please everyone, because quite honestly, that’s not even possible. Don’t let other people tell you how to live your own life. It’s yours! Wear what you want to wear, not what other people expect you to wear. Wear makeup because it makes you feel good, not because you “need to”. Post that picture on Instagram because you like it, not because you think it will get a ton of likes. If it makes you feel more confident, then that’s all that matters. When you look and feel like yourself, you will radiate beauty from the inside out! Whatever you do, do it for you.

PRACTICE POSITIVE THINKING

They always say that practice makes perfect, and self-confidence is definitely something you have to practice. It’s not something that you wake up one morning and magically possess. It takes time, and there will be good days and bad days. One thing I found that helps on those bad days is to practice thinking about myself the way I think about the people that I love. Try this… whenever you find yourself talking or thinking about yourself in a negative way, find two things that you like about yourself. Our brain is naturally wired to see the worst, so we must train it to see the best. The way we think about ourselves has such control over the way we feel about ourselves. We think that certain actions will result in confidence: “When I get a boyfriend, I’ll feel more confident” “When I lose weight, I’ll feel more confident” “When I’m more popular, I’ll feel more confident”. Yes, sometimes attaining those things do make us feel confident, but it’s not because they gave us confidence. It’s because when we attain those things, we finally give ourselves PERMISSION to feel confident. But sometimes, we attain those things and still feel like something is missing. This is because we’ve achieved what we wanted to achieve, and yet our thoughts are still the same as before. Truly, the only way to reach self-confidence is by changing the way we THINK, not the way we look. It’s your thoughts that create confidence.

UNDERSTANDING CONFIDENCE

Confidence is sometimes thought of as a negative thing when it comes to women. A confident man is said to be attractive, but too often we are quick to label a confident woman as narcissistic or self-centered. This thinking leads women to feel ashamed or guilty for feeling confident, which should not be the case. If and when you are able to find your self-confidence, that is something that should be celebrated. So, call me a narcissist, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come in my journey to self-confidence, and I should be allowed to show that off.

Written by Hope Huetter