How to Help Someone Who is Suffering

Suffering: the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship.

Most of us can look back at our lives thus far, and name times when we were going through a lot, or when we were really suffering. We have all experienced loss, break-ups, disappointments, illness, etc. We have been through these times and we are still living today. Some of us are barely getting by right now, maybe because we are suffering, or maybe because we are recovering from a hard experience and there are lingering effects, or maybe we don’t have the support system we need to get through something. We have all felt hardship, and many times we can think of someone in our lives who is currently experiencing hardship. If we have “been there” and “done that” why do we not know what to say or how to interact with the people who are currently suffering and need that support system?

When we see people suffering we emotionally want to make it better, we want to help, so we feel like we have to say the “right” thing, when the truth is there isn’t necessarily a right thing to say. More than saying the exact right words it is more about supporting someone. Another reason is that many times the situations people are experiencing are times that are hard to deal with so you know there is no easy answer or easy thing to say that makes it better. This leaves us feeling like we shouldn’t say anything because “it will all be wrong” and “it won’t help anyway”. This isn’t true, giving support and love to those who are suffering is something powerful we can do to help people through the toughest of times.

So what should you do?

Firstly I think it is important to point out that it is important to be honest with people who are suffering. I don’t mean you should be brutally honest and say hurtful things, but I do mean to let them know that it is going to be hard to get through it. That being said, that shouldn’t be the only thing you tell them. You should mostly focus on giving them love and ways to help themselves through this hard time in the healthiest way possible.

What is the healthiest way to help someone through suffering? Promote resilience and self-love:

Self love: Is so important in times of suffering. If you can help someone see how strong they are just for simply living through whatever suffering they are experiencing it will help to take away some of the pressure they feel in their suffering. Self acceptance during suffering is very important, because it allows the person to really process the feelings they are having instead of suppressing them. When someone allows their self to embrace the emotions and things they are going through, they will be able to identify how they feel and handle it appropriately.

Resilience: is building skills that will help you make it through hardship. It is important to help others when they are suffering towards resilient behaviors so that they can make it through their suffering in the healthiest way possible. How do you promote resilience? Here are a few ways:

• Encourage reaching out to support: being aware of your emotions and assessing when you need help in your life can be a powerful tool. When we know that we need to ask for support, we can then accept support.

• Learn from experiences: it may be hard to see it in the middle of hardship, so sometimes it can be helpful to point out to a person how much they are growing within their experiences. Tell a person something you have noticed them getting better at or help them realize a lesson they are learning through their experience.

• Encourage optimism: one of the hardest things to see when you are suffering is that the suffering doesn’t last forever. Being able to help someone realize that the feelings they are having will not last forever and they will be able to recover from the experience is oftentimes difficult to do without seeming insensitive. The best way you can do this is help people find something that they can look forward to achieving in the next few months. This will help them think about the next bit of time without thinking that they are going to just quit living right then and there.

These are just a few ways to help people through suffering. The most important thing to do for people who are suffering is to support them, don’t downplay their hardship, and remember to be a message to them rather than to preach a message to them. Love and support is a powerful tool to equip people with at any point in life, but especially in times of suffering it can be an extremely important aspect of their overcoming the suffering.

Alex