Healing Through Kindness

“To claim the truths about who we are, where we come from, what we believe, and the very imperfect nature of our lives, we have to be willing to give ourselves a break and appreciate the beauty of our cracks and imperfections”- Brené Brown

When you think of a compassionate person, people like Mother Teresa or Oprah, you think of someone whose kindness and bright soul lights up the room. Someone who has so much love for those around them, but also themselves. I know for me it is easier to love my family and friends than it is to love myself. However, loving yourself and showing the same kindness you show to others can lower anxiety, rumination, and depression, as well as increase optimism, happiness, and connectedness.

Self-compassion is known as healing by kindness, it is turning inward and being kind and understanding instead of being harsh or critical about our flaws or when we don’t live up to our expectations. According to Dr. Kristin Neff, self compassion has 3 components- self kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Self-kindness is being warm and loving to yourself when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate. Common humanity is the sense that we are all in this together. It’s not what happened to me, but something that happens to everyone. Mindfulness is taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that they are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. We need to make sure we don’t get swept away by the negative emotions into a rabbit hole.

The inner voice in us may default to criticism, however, that criticism can lead to feelings of worthlessness and insecurity. These negative emotions can get stuck in a cycle that can be hard to break free from. These feelings may lead to self-sabotage and self-harm. However, when you implement self-compassion, you accept yourself and give yourself grace which helps you make the changes you need to live a happier and healthier life.

Self-compassion sounds pretty simple…just be nice to yourself! However, this is much easier said than done. A lot of times, we can be empathetic and compassionate towards our friends and family, but we are our own worst critic.. The number 1 piece of advice is talk to yourself how you would talk to a loved one. I would never say the negative things I say to myself to a friend or family member.

How to be more compassionate:

1. Forgive Yourself

Stop punishing yourself for past mistakes. We are all human. Mistakes are inevitable and normal. Your mistakes do not determine your worth.

1. Have a growth mindset

Many times in life, our greatest struggles can be the best learning experiences that lead to growth. Embrace the challenge and know that there will always be bumps in the road, but you can always figure them out.

1. Gratitude

Appreciating what you have in the moment can turn your focus to what you have instead of what you don’t. It is easy in this day and age to look at your peers or social media and have it seem like everyone has it all together, but the truth of the matter is that everyone is figuring it out. There is always something to be grateful for.

1. Be mindful

Listen to what you are saying to yourself. Try to interrupt the negative self-talk with positive and realistic messages. Dr. Kristen Neff offers an example of how to mindfully cultivate self-compassion in times of struggle. When you find yourself in such a situation, practice telling yourself the following:

• This is a moment of struggle.

• Struggle is a part of life.

• May I be kind to myself. May I give myself what I need.

Developing self-compassion does take effort and intentionality, but the rewards are worth the time and effort. For more information on self-compassion, visit https://self-compassion.org/.

Written by Emma Harrison